What You Bring to The Gym: The Cheater

Monday’s post talked about how who you are as an athlete positively influences the people around you. Yay, sunshine. Yay, rainbows.

rainbowhappy
happy.

Now for the bad stuff.

Have you ever washed your knee sleeves? You probably haven’t. Gross, dude. For whatever reason, people think knee sleeves have anti-microbial properties and are impervious to the effects of their fetid flesh.

Stanky sleeves are stanky. What’s worse is that the stankiness of those swampy sleeves will rub off on everything they touch, and pretty soon you have a giant bag full of stank.

Being able to taste your sleeves in your protein means there is an issue.

When people bring a less awesome side of themselves to the gym, the same thing happens – the environment becomes polluted with foulness. While we all have sides of ourselves we are less than proud of, there are two types of personalities that are especially insidious and will destroy the culture of the gym – the Cheater and the Complainer.

The best option would be to quarantine these people and vaccinate them with a giant flamethrower:

wheelchair-flamethrower
burn them with fire

But since I have no idea where to get a giant flamethrower (e-mail me at blackanviltraining@gmail.com if you do) and apparently vaccinations are frowned upon,  I now present a second option – public ridicule.

The Cheater

You are a liar. I get it, math is hard. Counting up by ones suck. But here’s the thing – just because you are uncomfortable, losing, or not in the mood doesn’t mean you get to count up by two’s, five’s, or 10’s. This is NOT “Crap, I forgot what rep I’m on” or “I need to scale down a workout”. This is “Dude, I’m going to lie, win, and hope no ones notices.” Here is some truth #straighttalk – everyone knows. EVERYONE. Even the newbies still trying to figure out the difference between a power clean and power snatch are wondering why you only did 17 reps instead of 21.

People talk about it at the gym. They laugh when you say your score out loud. Other athletes look at you with disdain and disgust. EVERYONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING. You see, although it might be seem impossible for you to count your reps correctly, it’s not hard for other people:

1….2….3….

EASY.

Not only are you covering your eyes and hoping people don’t find you, but what you’re doing is insulting to the people who are crushing themselves during a workout. Nothing hurts worse than sitting in a puddle of your own filth, knowing you were “beaten” by someone who was “doing the same workout” and hearing that someone say something like “that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be”.

People will leave the gym wanting to slash your tires and set your house on fire.

Easy solution: Stop. If you’re getting results you are less than proud of, accept them – they show you the way forward towards greatness.

Or there’s always the flamethrower.

Next up: The Complainer

P.S. T-shirt pre-orders will close Sunday. Buy yours here. 

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